Self: Clearing.

I have started a new self portrait project, it may be confronting at times.
It may be joyful too, and funny, or intense and surreal. I can only hope
that it will be interesting enough to provoke thought.

Self 1: Clearing.
As most know, I am battling some demons right now.
I am in a war of sorts against that bastard we call Anxiety.
If you haven’t been through this, I can only high five you and hope
that you never have to.
But if you have been through this, the fog will be familiar to you.
The fog that makes it hard to see ahead, and to see things that are
so beautiful, right in front of you.
It takes the wind out of you and makes your knees give way.
It jolts you out of night slumber, pouring you in cold sweats,
and creates noises so real that you can’t fall back into that sweet state.
Half of the battle with this thing, is actually with yourself.
It’s that oppression that screams in your ear..
“You aren’t being yourself. What is wrong with you?!”
“What sort of Mother are you?”
“Just get out of bed, get on with it, stop moping.”
It’s a fog that won’t lift so you can see where you need to go.
But it’s OK, I’m determined to clear it.
I will beat it because I love myself enough to know I deserve it.
My friends and family need not worry – I am right where I need
to be, because I have recognised it’s there. And that is when
the clearing begins.

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